Bad English

Let's see... where should I begin? Sometimes this blog takes me back to my college years (there were quite a few of them, as most of you know), when there is something that I know is due and I should be working on it yet I keep putting it off in favor of going out, watching tv, surfing the internet, and anything else I can kill the time with without actually doing what I need to do. Then after a week or so, it becomes a block in my mind where what I need to do is a big under-taking and that I'm not mentally prepared to do so. I'd then proceed to quit going to class for a couple or few weeks to avoid the responsibility of the assignment that would have taken an hour in the first place. When I'd finally finish the assignment, combined with the others I had missed in my absence, I'd visit the professor with all the work that was due. They'd say: "What happened there?" To which I'd shrug my shoulders and say: "Sorry. I don't have a good excuse and I'm a terrible liar. I hope you will have the mercy to forgive me and let me make it up to you the rest of the semester". I know everyone's wondering how on earth I graduated, and I often wonder that myself. Yet, here I am with a degree in English.

Speaking of English, this is where I segue from my confession/plea for forgiveness to today's topic, which is the preposterous English sentiments I come across all of the time. They're inescapable in Korea, and really bad. I've made a point of reading all of the pencil cases and notebooks I see in the classroom and simultaneously laugh and feel ill. As a grammar geek, I cringe regularly reading these English phrases clearly made by someone who speaks no English. For example: Around my lived porch shall spring each fragrant flower that drinks the dew. I copied this off a pencil case with a picture of a porch in the spring. This is one of the better, grammatically speaking, but is a typical example of how the Koreans strive to print these flowery, non-sensical sweet nothings on every shirt, sign, diary, notebook, pencil case, and gift bag they can find... among other places.

Let's examine item number two, which is one of my favorites: You feel so great happiness when you meet product of LIVING ART LIVING ART for the beauty of Vacuum Bottle make a your life in the Vacuum Bottle to comfortable and raffine. I wouldn't advise using your spelling and grammar check on this, as I had smoke coming out of my computer when I tried it. If you guessed was this printed on the box a coffee thermos came in, you should be an interpreter. There's nothing so beautiful and happiness inducing as a cheap thermos, is there? I know my life has been comfortable and raffine (refined? I dunno) ever since I bought this thermos/piece of art. I should add that it leaks.

Item number three is a real piece of art. When I read this beautiful poem, I cried for a day. Perhaps it wasn't the sentiment that made me cry. Loving in order to love Knows loves you be cause only it will not beable to love. I wrote this (from a pencil case) on the board for my highest level students to correct. Then I looked at it and realized that I couldn't correct this since I could make absolutely no sense of it. It's as if the writer threw a bunch of English words in a hat and picked them out in random order. I still don't know how that accounts for making "be" and "able" one word. Now the world knows what I'm up against over here. I'd love to be a free-lance editor where I could go to companies and restaurants and clean up their ludicrously bad grammar and spelling. Think that the people writing these slogans were in all likelihood hired by these companies for their English speaking abilities... scary. This type of thing motivates me in the classroom in hopes that my students will never write anything like this and get paid for it.

I'm going to leave everyone with a picture I took in a coffee shop in Gyeongju. It may be hard to see with the glare, but sometimes I take pictures the way Koreans speak English. I just thought that I should provide a picture to prove that I'm not making this stuff up. After all, "yogurt be good for the health". The person who wrote this had probably studied English for years, yet could not conjugate the verb "be". Welcome to my world. It would be extremely frustrating if it wasn't so hilarious.

Game on!

Hi everybody!! It's been a slow couple of weeks with little to report. There have been no mountain excursions to report, nor have there been any adventures. Not to say that life is dull, but I don't have any exciting pictures to show or tales to regale audiences. We did have a birthday party for my friend Hoki last Saturday. This is how Koreans traditionally pose for pictures on their birthdays. I dunno, it must be the confucianism in the water. Many friends were in attendance and we surprised Hoki by showing up at his restaurant. A good time was had by most everyone.

Now... to the really important stuff. Yesterday my Uzbekistan team unveiled our new uniforms--Barcelona style. Kits like these make me feel like the proverbial kid in the candy store. I asked our manager what I owed him for the uniform and season, to which he replied: "For you Chris, free of charge." Sweet. Technically, this means I'm now a professional. On this day we destroyed the French team (the one that took first place last season) 5-1. I think the new unis inspired us. I know mine inspired me. This was just a scrimmage, and our season begins in earnest the first week of March. I predict a first place finish this time around. I've gotten to really like this group. I have a specific niche on this team and we are gelling more and more each game. Oh yeah, by the way, I'm bald now. I had the good sense to shave my head right before a nasty cold snap. I wanted something to make me stand out, since I blend in seamlessly everywhere I go in Asia. In all seriousness, sticking out like a sore thumb is something I long ago got used to. I don't have anything else to add right now, but wanted to show off our new kits to the world. I have another topic that is completely unrelated that I wish to explore this week, so stay tuned.